Of recent, I have been going through this phase where I am kind of reviewing the relationships between the opposite sexes. The social media is buzzing with this sort of thing now that the 90’s kids are no longer kids and now seem like potential husbands and wives. Everybody seems to be searching for some form of relationship so they don’t end up alone. Well, I’m going to be talking about another form of relationship which remains every boy’s, sorry, man’s worst nightmare. It has come to be regarded as one of the worst forms of misfortune to ever befall a man, the ultimate form of misdirection used by a woman, her greatest trick yet. I am, of course, talking about the dreaded ZONING.

As a guy, you might have encountered a certain girl that you liked and had some form of feelings for, be they in your heart or between your thighs. You decided to act on these feelings and approach her to kind of work things out; but in the long run, you realise that these feelings have morphed or changed into something else and to you, she now becomes a friend or bro to you. At that point, brother, I officially welcome you to the ZONE where you eat your true feelings out and suffer in silence. Now the zone has no official definition but there is a kind of generally acceptable definition for it which is a situation where a girl you have strong feelings for decides that you have ceased to be a sexual entity in her eyes but something else entirely different like an object or just a friend. Now this is a very ugly situation because she takes your ‘well-starched and ironed boyfriend material’, rips it to shreds and clothes you with some kinda lame “friendship apparel”. These zones come in plenty colourful states and it’s usually not so much of rocket science to determine which one you are stuck in. These days, niggas are stuck in more than one zone; I have a friend who once called himself a zonal pastor because of the multiplicity of his zones. Zones come with different names and different levels and no matter the type, it should be dreaded far worse than leprosy.

Now, dealing with the most common zone, we find out that it’s the FRIENDZONE where a girl completely deletes any notion of a relationship from her head and instead, sees you as a friend. She might even take it a notch further and place you in the bestie-zone. At this stage, you are lost; any sexual advance you make at her would be seen as a joke (except you rape her). You become her close confidant, her vault of secrets, her relationship instructor and that shii that best friends do. Now why this zone is painful is that she actually leads you on in the beginning, lets you think that you have a shot while you foolishly try to get to know her deeper and the deeper you go, the wider the friendzone net and the day she calls you bestie, LOBATAN!!! That is the end for you. You are lost.

Another demeaning zone is the boo-zone. To me this is far worse than the friendzone because you might actually harbour the delusion that you are a boo, a kind of boyfriend when in fact, she derides that notion in her mind. In fact, she says “BOO!!!!”, each time she thinks of it. She leads you on to a maximum level of sexual interest and when she discovers there is no soft way to let you go, she lets you fool around a little, calling you the occasional boo. You only realise you are being played for a fool later on (probably when your friends and course mates laugh the life out of you for being the latest fool in the long chain of bodies of fellow course mates dropped by the same person 😥 ).The boo-zone is a sad place to be in and when you come out, you remain a laughing stock because you once derided yourself with illusions of grandeur. The other zones include the “my dear zone”, the “you-make-me-happy zone”, the “funny guy zone” and whatever zone ladies throwing guys in these days. They all have the same outcome: “Dude, no matter what you do, you aint getting any!!!” It’s like going for a job interview and the company saying “You have a great résumé, you have all the qualifications we are looking for but we are not going to hire you. We will however use your résumé as the basis for comparison for all other applicants. But we are going to hire somebody who is far less qualified and is probably a drunk. And if he doesn’t work out, we will somebody else but still not you. In fact, we will never hire you. But we will call you from time to time to complain about the person that we hired.

Now, there is no harm admitting you have been zoned. The stupidity in it is not learning from your previous mistakes or the mistakes of others, as well. Hell, i’ve been zoned more times than i have had a relationship. Some girls could probably boast of having speed-record zoning time when it comes to me. Naturally, i would blame it on my timidity and the fact that i tend to take too much time and try to be meticulous in every approach i take but in truth, it is really my inability to learn from my mistakes. I try not to hit walls in my approach but I fall for a girl, heads-first every time; i cannot stand rejection, i know it would break my spirit but i still follow the same pattern and routine every time and lose a little bit of my confidence every time i get shot down. But of recent, i’ve been learning and improving. I’ve learned of the early signs which is pivotal to stop that friendzoning. I have learned that boldness and firmness is the key, I have learned to never be afraid of getting shot down. Smooth flights and no fights never made a good fighter pilot. Speedy learning is pivotal.

In the end, the only way to escape the zone is to curb it at the beginning, nip it in the bud. Prevention is better than cure especially when the cure is like the cure for cancer. Watch out for the early signs; clear her doubt and firmly tell her off when she calls you names like: Bestie, Good friend, Nice guy and even Boo sef. It is the safest and surest way. Never let things go out of your control. In the end, you have the power in your hands; there are some girls that are just supposed to be your friend and nothing more and the ones that you are supposed to keep as girlfriend material. Never let your delays or her wily and ‘zoning”’ statements drop you in the zone. Steer clear of THE ZONE.


  1. Pingback: From the Heart – Best Friends | My Life. One Story at a Time.

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