I have stared at my screen and keyboard for the past few days, thinking of a topic to write on and a way to start it. I have come up with some ideas and they all seemed quite shallow to me. Even when I try to start, I always end up deleting everything; probably because I lack enough facts and do not want to make a fool of myself or because the topic is not something generally accepted but something my crazed head would think of anyway. As someone who loves writing and ranting a lot, this is somewhat disturbing because my head would not just let it go. I see letters everywhere I turn and I cannot piece them together; I have ideas that would pop in at first and seem really interesting at first, only for me to find out that I lack the appropriate body framework to see out to its completion. The ‘Delete’ and ‘Backspace’ buttons on my keyboard have been the most used keys in the past days. This has been affecting other aspects of my life as well; I have been zoning out in conversations and lost the ability to fully concentrate, choosing to spend more time searching the nooks and crannies of my head until it finally hit me; I have hit a stage which I have been dreading for a while now: MIND BLOCK, ALL STOPS.
This is essentially a stage where I literally run out of generally acceptable ideas and I am stuck with the inner gist in my head. I hit a roadblock in my mind and everything stops for me. Meanwhile, there is some kind of pressure welling up somewhere and no foreseeable outlet for me to let it out. This is not new to me though; I have hit at some point in my writing career and though it was a bit rough and tough, I managed not to give up on writing. There is only one logical explanation as to why I have run into this again: I live a very boring life.
Truth be told, I am a really lazy person; very lazy and unmotivated. I need some form of external push or drive to cajole me into doing anything. Hence, I tend to live a serial boring life. My typical day consists of food, my bed and my laptop, no more no less. When my mates are out there, probably chasing other endeavours and fun activities, I am content with the little I have. I used to be really shy and though I am seriously working to overcome that image, meeting new people is kind of a toughie for me. Then, the serial procrastination is another factor which has helped my lazy attitude. I keep putting off stuff till it comes to bite me in the ass. And then, I am an indoor guy; I prefer the comfort of my room than going out and exploring new adventures. Ahhh… I am a really boring and lazy guy so with the boredom, comes the lack of adventure and with the lack of adventure, comes the lack of stories to tell.
At this stage, I can really proffer no solutions to myself and I am stuck with steady hope, waiting for this phase to pass away. My present environment is not helping matters too; I live in a really restricting environment with unnecessarily stringent rules and confining wall spaces which restricts my movement to the barest minimum. However, I cannot complain, some of my mates till find ways to have fun and go on adventures in this place. Outside these walls, the difference is slightly noticeable; I am still lazy but at least, the circumstances still throw me out on the streets and I find time to have adventures and have new stories. But for now, I find it uncomfortable living my boring life and I hopefully wish to change because with the lack of stories comes the MIND BLOCK and everything around my life STOPS and I hang in some sort of limbo, waiting for a new story to be my redemption.
P.S: This was really very boring to write but at least, it was an outlet…