Socially, I am not putting out an effort too. I am socially awkward, choosing to live recluse in the comfort of my room, sometimes, totally cutting out sunlight. I have become a caveman, as my friends have chosen to describe me as. I have more of an online presence than a physical presence and even my online life is suffering as I trying hard to balance between both and constantly fail woefully and miserably. I have pushed away new people who have tried to be really nice and friendly, choosing to stick with my present circle and refusing to make new friends. As for my relationship status, within the confines of the environment I find myself in, I am forever alone which is not strange seeing as I am terrified of meeting strangers and my mind unconsciously chooses to wipe off the faces and names of all new females I have managed to meet (Curse you for that!!!) I am the solo walking guy that chooses to believe nobody would ever like me and instead, I stick to my idea of walking through life so and putting up a happy façade to mask the inner conflict I have to battle with every time I am conscious.
With all these weighing on my mind, I found a way to let off a bit of steam in music. I played songs and songs till I was tired of listening and my eardrums cried out in pain. I have never fully immersed into the wordings and meanings of the songs I listen to but for the past few days, a particular statement has been constantly ringing in the depth of my head: “RUMBLE, YOUNG MAN, RUMBLE”. I guess it was probably because I listened to Juelz Santana’s Rumble, Young Man, Rumble (which wasn’t so good by the way) or Jay Z’s verse in Power (Remix) or probably my subconscious was trying to pass some secret coded message to me so I checked out the quote and it turns out it was from Muhammad Ali when he said: “Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee. Your hands can’t hit what your eyes can’t see. Rumble, young man, rumble.” After giving this much thought, it suddenly hit me; my subconscious was actually trying to pass me a message after all. It was telling me to fight back, it was telling me not to just sit calm and get tossed around but to actually fight back and dictate the path I was going to follow. Pressure doesn’t kill you, it is meant to spur you on to greater heights and is important on the path to self-discovery; after all, what does not kill you only makes you stronger. I know I am not the only one facing the kind of dilemma, everybody has their own demons to face. The fighting spirit was not just instilled in man to be dormant, it is actually there for periods like this; periods where a bout of self-motivation is the only thing that can keep you going. With this in mind, I have begun to take my baby steps in the fight to overcome pressure and carve a path for myself. And when the pressure seems too much to bear and all seems lost, I tell myself: “RUMBLE, YOUNG MAN, RUMBLE!!!”
“Rumble, young man, rumble. Life is a trip, so sometimes we gonna stumble. You gotta go through pain in order to become you. But once the world numbs you, you’ll feel like it’s only one you. Now you got the power to do anything you want to…”
– Jay Z, Verse 1, Power (Remix)