When I titled this post, I probably thought it was going to be one of my happy posts, one where I get to describe a fun-planned day, one where I get to say something witty and laugh in my head at the hilarity of my content but nope, as I kept working on the post in my head, I realised it was going to be one of those gloomy ones about my life which I’d rather not talk about. I hate the long wait for my birthday; it seems like it’s never going to come. Probably it’s the fact that it comes this late in the year or the fact that I feel all the important birthdays have already passed but this seems like an awfully late time to have a birthday. I’m no fan of the birthday hype or the attention that comes with it; I feel there is an adequate amount of hype and attention which should be given to a birthday and most times, people often overshoot that boundary. So then, this is going to be one of the gloomiest birthday posts you’ll ever read.
In the early stages, birthdays used to be a thing of joy. It was something you forgot until it crept up on you and the ensuing celebrations usually left you longing for the next birthday. Now, birthdays are just a reminder that I’m not getting any younger and the time I have always dreaded is nearly at hand. For some people, it’s one step closer to a beckoning grave and the uncertainty it holds for them. Birthdays are no longer the fun ride they were earlier but instead a period of sober reflection of the milestones accomplished thus far. So it’s my turn to ask myself: “What have you accomplished thus far?” “Are you pleased with your present situation?” And you probably don’t need a soothsayer to tell you my answers to these questions.
Over the years, it has been one heck of a curved and twisty road for moi. I have had certain accomplishments which I am proud of and have made many mistakes that have been a shame to me and I find it tough, if not impossible, to correct. In the early stages, they could have been seen as a youngling’s mistake but over time, they become mistakes which are made during a learning process, mistakes which could have been avoided though. I read somewhere that experience is the best teacher only when you learn from another person’s experience. It’s no fun making mistakes considering the amount of work which comes with trying to correct them. But hey, truth be told, I’m human and not perfect; I am on the path of self-discovery and have not fully understood myself or the intricacies of life hence, I will make mistakes. The only positive thing to do is to learn from my mistakes and refrain from making them again.
There are lots of things I fantasized on having or doing at this point in my life. Turns out I haven’t even done a sizeable fraction of those things. Lots of dreams were kicked to the curb because they were pipe dreams, the fantasies of a child who wanted to live in an ideal world. This is Nigeria, my nigga!!! Aint nobody becoming an astronaut in Nigeria, my nigga!!! There were times I once called my hands “ungifted hands” because my fingers failed at the arts which my friends seemed to excel in. The short, stout fingers seemed to be good for nothing, from typing to playing a piano or guitar or any musical instrument that required my fingers for that matter. I couldn’t draw or paint like the others; my clumsy hands always smudged the paper with paint or lead and drawings always looked like something from a retard’s museum. My height did not help matter either as I was automatically blacklisted from sports that needed one to be vertically advantaged (Later though, I learnt to develop thick skin to all the taunts from other people). After a while, I started giving up on things too easily and was content on staying on an anonymous level, afraid to stand out so that people don’t see the imperfect me. Now, I have come to realise that accepting myself for who I am and who I am aiming to be is the only way to top the opinions of other people.
Birthdays are depressing sometimes too because who expected were your well-wishers actually forgot such an important day in your life. But not me; after being socially awkward and sometimes, socially crippled, I have learned to curb my expectations on days like this. On other people’s birthdays, I see the numerous well-wishers give gifts and send lovely messages and even though I wish for such, I have trained myself not to expect much so I don’t end up disappointed. My social circle is small and even though it would be nice to receive hugs, gifts and messages from girls (because boys doing such would be some fruity shit), I know that I can count the girls I know with my fingers. I prefer just being indoors, playing games, listening to jams and generally, having fun with awon goons mi.
But it’s my birthday today; away from the sad depressing stuff to brighter things. Today, I get to know my friends and I get to turn up a little. I shouldn’t be the boring guy all the time so I might go out, meet somebody new, do lots of crazy stuff, hang out with my guys and be happy. Today, I’m not going to dwell on the moody stuff. I expect gifts and messages oh. I laid down the groundwork this year and made plenty friends. The day has just begun and holds a lot of promise; it’s not just any other day. IT’S MY BIRTHDAY, BIIITTCCHHEESS!!!