BEFORE I SAY I DO

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So it seemed like I had maxed out topics in my head to talk about and for quite a while, I was enraptured in pursuing other endeavours but finally, I’m back. The truth is I have been lazing about on what to write. The thoughts are there in my head but the ways to express them seem to elude me. I have decided to wing it and go with the flow anyway. I should really skip this ‘trying-to-let-you-understand-why-I-have-not-been-posting’ routine but it has become a signature thing. I’ve got a couple of incomplete topics in my head but I’ve decided to just spit them out anyway. Today will be about weddings and marriage. Too many wedding bells are ringing around me and frankly, I’ve become uncomfortable.

I finally knew this day would come when marriage would be a topic for discussion. I dreaded it for a long time and looked upon it from afar but alas what I dreaded has finally caught up to me. Way too many people around me are getting married and the unnerving part is that it’s getting close to my age grade. What the heck am I even saying?! I have a couple of friend who are already married and frankly, I’m perturbed. Questions are always flooding my head about the whole marriage institute. You see a couple in love and you think, “Hmm… Must be nice” but one cannot really tell if they are as happy on the inside as they look on the outside. For someone like me who has spent the most part of his life alone and is used to handling myself only, the thought of having to spend the rest of my life with someone else greatly scares me. I know young, puppy love is fun but what happens when you’ve spent time in and the chips are down? What happens when the flame of love is somewhat burnt out and you’re just two people who share a bed and children? What happens when your spouse is no longer the fun person you used to know and now has this gloom expression on their face all the time? How do you go about raising kids? What happens if there are no kids? What happens when you see young nubile ladies all around and your wife is not even bothered with reinventing herself at all? What happens when the sex is gone? What if she becomes a nag? What keeps you from cheating? These are the questions constantly bugging me and the fact that there is no definite answer also scares me.

Some people like to think a Christian marriage is the key but I do not think that’s entirely correct. It could be a Christian marriage or a Muslim one and without compatibility and understanding, it would seem like hell on earth. Love too is a key factor but it too fades and constantly has to be rekindled. Other factors like finances, children and extended families, as the case may be, play important roles in the success of your marriage. Do you discuss the pros and cons first with your partner while hoping not to scare them away before you get married? To me right now, the word ‘relationship’ is an alien concept and while I would not mind a cute girl asking me out, I know at the back of my mind that without the right ‘ingredients’, the relationship would definitely crash and burn. Now while I think I have trained myself to live with any kind of person, I don’t think that might work out. With time, I would definitely let down my walls and pent up feelings will explode. For you to succeed in a relationship, you have to be madly in love with your partner. I have seen a couple of successful marriages and they always give different answers to the keys to their success. One thing is always common though: Understanding. It is for you to understand yourselves and find out what makes it work and from the stories I’ve heard, I’ve found out it’s not an easy process but rather a long and arduous task. No two marriages are similar and you are left to trudge separately on your own marriage path. A marriage is a journey that starts the day you choose your partner and ends the day you die. Even if you get divorced, a part of you is gone with that other person and you can never get it back. There is no complete handbook for a successful marriage, there are only pointers and guides to how to make thing work out successfully for your marriage. Contingencies can occur at any time and you are left to wade the waters from what you’ve gathered. Nobody has experienced everything a marriage can throw at you.

From the day of your wedding, you should strive to make your marriage a memorable one. You should live for your partner. You should learn to love and learn to be content. You should learn to forgive and forget when wronged. A marriage can be a happy one when all the parties are actively involved in striving to make the relationship work. Looking up at this whole page, I chuckle and think to myself, “But I barely even have a girlfriend not to talk of keeping one. Who am I to give this kind of advice?”

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