NOTHING BUT JOY (AN ODE TO GONORRHEA)

Microphone stand and wooden stool under a spotlight on a stage

 

 

 *Wizkid’s Joy playing in the background*

 

In the early mid-nineties, that was the beginning.

Mama had me, she was definitely screaming.

I was her first child and cervix was expanding.

The strain on her hips caused blinding pain.

Doctor says, “One last push. I can see the head.”

She summoned courage, grits her teeth and winces

One last surge and my cries were heard.

“Congrats, it’s a boy” and hands me to her.

One look at my face brought tears to her eyes.

She smiles finally and I guess all she felt was:

 

Joy!!! Nothing but joy!!!

All that she felt was nothing but joy

I was going to be blessing.

A pilot or a lawyer or an engineer maybe.

Joy!!! Nothing but joy!!!

All that she felt was nothing but joy

I was the first grandson

The one with all the responsibilities

Soon I’ll be washing plates.

 

Now this child grew sturdily

Learning as he progressed

Picking up good as well as vices

But the forbidden fruit tastes sweet

So I easily learnt my vices

Lies, stealing and porno on the internet

That was the beginning of the dick-beating sessions

I remember my first time

I was tugging away furiously

It seemed like a fruitless effort

As I was about giving up, I suddenly came

And I felt:

 

Joy!!! Nothing but joy!!!

Tugging on my dick, I felt nothing but joy

There was cum everywhere

The ceiling, my laptop

The wall and my bedsheet

Joy!!! Nothing but joy!!!

Tugging on my dick, I felt nothing but joy.

The dick-beating sessions had started

No day was free

Monday to Sunday, I was constantly wanking

 

Now I sought more gratification

And graduated to dealing with women of questionable scruples

I sought pleasure in their arms all night

I frequented brothels, always horny

Looking for the woman to satisfy my high each night

One day I met this chic named Joy

She was well-versed in the ways of pleasuring men

In the height of everything, I forgot to wear a condom

Few days later, I woke up to pee

The blinding pain I felt nearly knocked me out

I knew immediately I had contacted something

I went to my friend and told him,

“Shit, man. It burns when I pee.”

So now, when I pee, in the blinding pain

I scream a name:

 

Joy!!! Nothing but Joy!!!

Every time I pee, I scream nothing but Joy

Bitch gave me gonorrhoea and syphilis

Now I’m probably sterile

Joy!!! Nothing but Joy!!!

Every time I pee, I scream nothing but Joy.

Bye bye, baby boy and baby girl

I’ve lost my manhood

Call me Caitlyn Jenner.

 

*Wizkid’s Joy fades in the background*

 

 

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