With all the brouhaha going on social media about the relationship and marriage world, it felt imperative that I chip in my little bit about it all. Now I am no expert in any of these and I’m probably, in fact, the wrong person to talk about these, seeing as I’m not involved in any one of them but from the numerous tales and learned observations, it is quite difficult not to draw conclusions about how these things work. The main question is: Why are you going into this relationship? If you can answer that question with all sincerity and with the best of intentions, there’s no way any problem can throw you off guard when you eventually get into it.
No two relationships are the same; they may be similar but never the same. The difference in people’s personalities is what makes this possible. It is wrong to try to copy another couple’s relationship exactly. It would never work. You might try to emulate certain characteristics but totally copying it is impossible. You have to find the right balance between you and your partner and make it work from there.
There are wrong reasons and right reasons for getting into a relationship. The question, however, is if you are getting into one for the right reasons or not. Depending on the intent of the individual, it is possible to judge if such relationship would last or come crashing like a pile of stacked toothpicks. Counting the cost has always been an integral part of embarking on any journey. The reason why I feel most marriages or relationships fail is because they were always looking short term and at unimportant things rather than planning for the future. Marriage is final; forget divorce, which in itself is rubbish. When you go into a relationship, you should always plan for marriage. I am no advocate for going into a relationship to ‘wing’ it. I believe that is a waste of time. When you go into a serious relationship, the thought of marriage should always be at the back of your mind. Now if you both go into it for the right reasons, barring death, it should end in marriage.
The right reason for a marriage is not really complicated: companionship. It is the basic reason for a marriage; every other thing follows. You need a companion to share your bed with and discuss stories. You need a companion to hold you up and comfort you when you feel low. You need a companion to share sex with. You need a companion to love you. This companion must be the same person: your partner. You should never seek any of these things from outside your partner. It is cool to gist with friends and stuff (sic) but your partner should be the one to know everything and not your friends. Your partner is your companion, your ride-or- die nigga.
It is wrong to go into a relationship just because of the person’s physical attributes. No such relationship lasts long. The physical will always wane and eventually fade away. The mind lives till death and the soul lives forever; you should go into a relationship because you love the person’s mind and soul. Physical attributes are great and good to show off but what is inside is far more important. Love doesn’t just look at the physical; only lust does that. A great body and a great bum will eventually fade away; abs might start reducing in number till they disappear in the end. If you love a person truly, all these things will never deter.
A good marriage depends on money, sex and God. These are the things that make a marriage work in this present age. In this hard economy period, a marriage without sufficient money will crumble. Money is very important to run a marriage; money answers to all things. Sex is the fuel which a marriage also runs on. Lots of marriages have started their journey down the drain because of their sex lives. Good sex will save your marriage. Boring or no sex will send it spiraling down. In this age of ‘baby mamas’, it is greatly advised that spicing up your sex life is very key. I know marriages who I have seen fail or failing because one partner was caught pants down. The engine of your marriage is God. You cannot rule God out of your marriage and expect it to stand. In a world of constant entropy and chaos, he is the one person who never changes. He holds all the answer. Constant communication with him is key; he hears and he answers, albeit not in the way you might expect him to.
Before you go into any relationship or marriage, prepare yourself. Read books, do research and ask questions. Pray and find a partner who will match you. Plan for a good wedding but remember a good wedding is not equivalent to a good marriage. Do everything to please your partner when you get married. No words have ever saved marriages better than ‘I am sorry’. In an argument between two people, one person has to be wrong. Also, good food is key. Learn how to cook (both of you). Marriages have also crashed because the food was not (My marriage will crash if the food is not good). Eat, pray, love. Spend on your partner. Give your partner pleasant surprises. If, or when, children come, raise them together and never let them see you both disagreeing or in an argument. The first few years of a marriage are always tough; hold on. These things are difficult to hold on to but with God and time, they will become part of you. Namaste!