Stress ina me chest
I’ma need a defibrillating vest
Imagine you had just signed up for something without knowing there was even a clause in fine print attached to it and when you’ve gone in deep, you find yourself in a vichyssoise of fine print restrictions and unuttered subliminal threats which has tossed your mind into a state of bisma bisma and have filled your head with a cacophony of ‘what ifs’ and ‘maybe I should have…’ but then you’re gone in deep with the realization that this might be the only plausible and realistic way out of the mess which your life was before you stumbled across this ‘opportunity’ and it dawns on you that you just have to take the risk and brave the storm to come out on top of it in the end so you just sit back and try to calm your flinching nerves telling yourself you’ll be fine, well I currently occupy a seat in the vehicle which is this scenario.
But I’ll be fine, not because I expect to but because I have to. I cannot live a life of frayed nerves and survive. Although the nature of the situation and the tales I’ve heard about it has caused me to leave little pee stains on my trousers and has turned my liver to water, I have to be fine. I have heard it would put a huge load of stress and strain on physical and mental being but man go survive. I’ve been hinted that I would have to convey a set of conflicting emotions which might threaten the decorum of my sanity; to portray an outlook of trust while maintaining my inner paranoia, to show honesty while retaining a tad bit of mendacity. Overnight, I’ll have to become a man of steel so I can stand a chance of survival because the price for failure is so steep I dare not risk spiraling down that path; it just might be the death of me.
I, however, will be fine as there are also incentives. Not that they are particularly out of this world but I have always retained a passion for not being penniless and on these streets, half bread is better than buns.
I will be fine because I’ve learnt I will learn. Life is like coffee, you never know strong you are until you’re tossed in hot water. Now, while that is a line as corny as it sounds, it’s been proved to be a true one. I have been provided with an opportunity to learn, to beef up my skills in a particular subject and I have the perfect training ground to do it and I cannot waste this opportunity.
Hence, I have to soldier on like a true warrior and battle the demons which threaten to tear me apart while also, maintaining an outward look of calm and decorum. I have to stop the palpitation in my hands, head and chest and get a grip and handle of the entire operation. Basically, I’ll be fine because I want to, because I need to, because I have to…
I kuku cannot come and die on top of it.