JOURNEY WALKER: THE BEGINNING

journey walker

 

The Beginning

I probably should have written this sooner but I kept putting it off till I was in a mood to write something. The words were not coming though and it did not seem like I was not going to hit the mood anytime soon so I decided to just go ahead and play around with my pen and paper anyway. This title came to me while I was on my way to Lagos from Ondo state (I was just leaving Ondo by the time) at about 10pm. Why I was bound on this seemingly ill-fated journey is a tale of many stories, intertwined and twisted, dating back to early May this year. It is the history of my unexpected tour round the country. It is quite lengthy so I might have to break it up into a series of mini stories. It actually has not ended but I’m a bit more stable now and might now get to travel as much I used to. I would try to remember as much detail as I can so sit back and relax because it’s been a long, bumpy ride. Continue reading

CLOWNS AND JOKERS

I had intended to apply for this job as a spoof. My qualifications weren’t up to the standards they were looking for. I had been searching for jobs for quite some time but my field of expertise wasn’t something companies were really looking for these days. I was used to the life of searching through newspaper ads for jobs but these days, everything seems to be placed online. I hate being so techy. It’s as complicated as they get. Anyway, I was scrolling through this job advert centre and I found this really cool job. As a guy whose days are now filled with boredom, it provided me the opportunity to get some fresh air and freedom. I decided to apply even though their specifications were clearly not up my aisle. They wanted some kind of math genius. My level of education is a bit sketchy. I did the basic math stuff but I wasn’t familiar with the type of math person they wanted. They also needed someone who was prolific in the use of certain software. I was computer-literate but that was just it. Those software sounded strange and tough to me but oh well, I could learn something new. They needed someone knowledgeable enough to represent the company in their overseas meeting. I don’t mind travelling but representing a company was a bit of a long shot. And they needed somebody with 15-20 years working experience. I was just fresh out and needed to integrate. How does someone like me have even 10 years working experience? My previous occupation could in no way be classified as work unless these people were purely mad. I haven’t had any type of work in the last 10 years. Nevertheless, I went ahead and applied for the job. I tried to be as vague as possible in my application. I gave few hints about myself, little enough that you couldn’t guess who I was but just enough to pique their curiosity. I was a spoof and I didn’t think it would float but somehow, it did and I was invited for an aptitude test.

Continue reading

THE UNTITLED

Have you ever had words swimming and floating around in your head without making any sense? You just know somewhere along the line, stringing some of these words together can form lines of sentences which could prove to be a masterpiece but alas, you cannot just bring them together. Sometimes, you get frustrated and curse yourself for being helpless and other writers for being able to produce excellent works of art. You just know deep down that you have an idea so smart that your head would explode if you began to even know what you’re talking about. You are at your Picasso moment, you are Mozart trying to compose a magical symphony, you just need the white light in your head to shine and give you the go-ahead but still nothing. You start to write and three sentences in, you are sure you’ve written the greatest crap ever. You delete it and try a different approach, still nothing. You slam the laptop shut and think of throwing it away. You are highly uncomfortable because there is a nagging itch at the back of your head, smiling with a devilish grin, floating the letters in your head because it knows you cannot do shit. Well, ladies and gentlemen, welcome to my world.

Continue reading

ARGUMENT 101: HOW TO ARGUE TO WIN

arguing

Gawd!!! My friends can argue like crazy. Now, I start this off with a tone of frustration because I am tired and fed up with all the goddamn arguments. For weeks now, I have been living with a couple of friends who love to argue for fun. It’s no longer just ordinary; they argue over everything. No single day passes without an argument; hell, we have like 2-3 arguments per day on a regular basis. And they rarely repeat arguments so they basically argue over every single topic. Nothing is spared; from the number of mountains in Nigeria to the amount of breath you take in when you breathe to the need to spend more on quality. Once it’s a topic, bring it on, we’ll definitely argue about it. The funny thing is that there is no bad blood in these arguments. Sure, tempers might have flared at some point in time but it is rarely serious and dies down as fast as it came up. We have realized we basically argue for street cred and to kill boredom so there is no need to take things to personal.

Continue reading

THESE HOES AINT LOYAL

Samson_and_Delilah

As I grope and comb through the pages on the internet, basically the social networks, I am faced over and over again with the same message, glaring widely at me on my screen. It is a campaign that has been abuzz the internet for quite a while. A message being passed across to the various genres of men across the globe. It is a simple warning that carries a deep meaning and is as old as time itself. It reads thus: “Beware!!! These hoes aint loyal.” A simple warning that can never be overemphasized because each day, you hear tales of guys who have fallen victim to coldness which lies in the hearts of girls these days. These ones are seen as the dumb ones who lack the sense and wisdom to understand when they are being used but also, credit has to be given to the craftiness of these girls who would give the biblical serpent a good run for his money. The silver-tongued devils will come with their wiles and seduce you till you lay grovelling at their feet and then, they leave you at the slightest hint of a better opportunity elsewhere. The cold-hearted would just give you the good news to your face while the real villains would leave you dazed and wondering, still trying to chase after their affection until your brain is given a sharp reboot, usually an intervention or a firm slap from those who truly love you. The mind of a woman can never be understood, her thought process can never be deciphered (Only the creator can) but the reasons why they leave have been narrowed down to two road categories: Affection and Money. Any other thing can be narrowed down to these two categories, though they still have a bunch of incoherent reasons for leaving. They would leave for the ficklest of things. There are the special ones who are just willing to break hearts because they are spawns of Jezebel. But then, this decay did not just start now; it has been there for ages.

Continue reading

IT WASN’T KLOSE, BRAZIL WAS KROOSIFIED!!!

v2david-luiz

So I have been pretty mum about the whole World Cup event which is taking place in Brazil at the moment. Matches have been played up to the semi-final stage, upsets have been seen, heroes made, flops and props, extraordinary goals and future stars have been born. It has been an event worth the four-year wait. Now, I’m going to be focusing on one of the most shocking events of this World Cup. The World Cup has always brought shocker right from time and this one was not going to be any different. The first was shocking exit of the Spanish team after the mauling handed to them by the Dutch team and their loss to the hardworking Chileans, next was the shocking 4 – nil trashing of the Portuguese team by the Germans, Thomas Müller getting the first hattrick of the tournament and then, the ungraceful exit of the Italians after a beautiful against the English national team. Every other thing went according to book and the only other surprising event was the advancement of the Costa Rican team to the quarterfinals of the tournament. Fast-forward to the penultimate matches before the next shocker; Germany versus France and Brazil against Colombia. Continue reading

UNDER PRESSURE

too_many_thoughts_by_irin-d2yssao

For a while now, It has seemed like I have run of ideas on what to write about. The words just swim around in my head in a chaotic swirl and constantly fail to make any meaningful connection. The ideas I manage to get seem very shallow and I find myself giving up on post after post. I was in a state of dilemma; I had totally lost my mojo and getting it back was going to be really rough and tough. I thought of the source of my problems and in a moment of clarity, I was able to fixate on the problem, the source of my mind-block: Pressure. I am under too much pressure to deliver and meet up certain expectations and it is definitely taking its toll on me. Let me explain.

Continue reading

#ZLATANFISH

BK4juBtCcAASLze

So I took quite a long break from writing, two weeks to be precise, (which is weird for me because I’m usually always trying to scribble down something) so I could explore other endeavours and familiarize myself with the feel of my home which I seemed to have forgotten. I had thought that my mind could work up something really jauicy while I engaged in other menial activities, freeing up the part of my brain that dealt with creative writing but alas, I was mistaken. My brain cells seemed to die every day I did not exercise them so I knew I had to come up with something fast. I picked up on something that seemed like it did not have a story and was just a pastime for fun and relaxation and decided to draw out a form of inspiration from it. In short, I decided to write about #ZlatanFish.

Continue reading